useless...

i know.. just the previous post/entry, i've mentioned that i am going to try my best to move on and not look back.. but.. just now, when i was watching this HK drama, i cant help but to cry.. not cuz it had a traagic ending.. just tt, it reminded me of CK and i. reminded me of the times we'd spent tog. why am i so useless? cant even do such a simple thing as this (forget abt him).. up till now, i still do not know the reason why, he would suddenly say tt we remain as friends, when the day before (as of 17th June 08) he asked me to be his GF.. wad really went wrong? wad did i do? i'd always been myself.. i never put on a mask or behave differently.. be it at home or in front of my friends.. all i wanted was an answer.. but, i have no courage to ask him.. i dun want him to think tt why am i so long winded? after so long, still harp on it.. but.. i really want to know.. frankly speaking.. ever since tt day.. i havent been (genuinely) happy at all.. never.. tt night.. during D&D.. it's not cuz i have had too much and think too much tt i cried.. rather.. tears just flowed down my eyes by itself.. i noe.. when Zach, eryl and a few others asked me why did i cry tt night.. and i just told them cuz i drank too much and was a little emo abt some stuff.. but deep down inside.. i know i am still unable to let go.. :( i know.. to many, this may seemed like not a prob at all.. but.. to me.. it is.. and i know, i'm letting some of my friends down with my indecisiveness.. but.. i'm really bothered by it and i have no idea why is it tt he left such a deep impression to me tt made me feel this way.. sorry guys.. i've let u down again.. but.. i really dun noe how to solve this matter... maybe.. maybe.. i'm just not matured enuff to deal with such matter? haizzzzz